Torn
by O'Im Only Joking
Summary: Ste and Kevin are college friends, when Kevin gets involved with Brendan Brady, Ste tries everything he can to keep him away from the drug dealer. But things soon become difficult when Ste falls for Brendan.
1. Chapter 1

Ste loved Kevin, he'd been there for him like a brother. Anytime or anywhere and Kevin would drop everything for Ste without a second thought. They spoke to each other about everything, not having to worry about it been passed on or spread around the college walls. Their friendship was tight, they had a special bond.

They had known each other for 2 years on their cooking course at college. At first Ste thought he was smug and loved himself. Likewise for Kevin, who thought Ste was nothing but a mouthy council estate chav. Until they had to work in pairs, they refused at first but with a push from their tutor they got on with it and that's when they got to know each other properly. They spoke about their future career plans, both wanting to own their own restaurants. It was a slow friendship, but over the first few months they spent more time together and they let their guards down and soon enough they freely told each other about their pasts and family lives.

Kevin's upbringing and life was the total opposite to Ste's. Ste had an alcoholic has a mother, and that affected Ste in school and his behaviour got worse as time went on. Ste never felt envy towards Kevin though, most times Kevin's house felt like his home, somewhere he could go to when he needed to escape and when he needed to feel safe.

They knew each other like the back of their hand, but right at this moment Ste felt as if he didn't know Kevin at all. He looked at him like a stranger as they stood in the canteen in college.

"You've started doing what?" Ste had to make sure he heard him correctly.

"I've started ya know, selling drugs," Kevin whispered. "The cash I get for doing it is quality. The man I sell the drugs for is so rich."

Kevin smiled as if he was proud of himself. Ste swallowed, his mouth was so dry. Ste wasn't no saint himself and he'd been in trouble with the police before several times, but that's exactly why he didn't want his best friend getting into any bother.

"You have to stop, stuff like that can get dangerous." Ste chewed on his bottom lip with his teeth nervously, "what if you get caught? End up in prison, what then?"

"Chill man, that won't happen. The guy I sell them for is careful with his dealers and that. He's hard too, so if I got into any shit he would sort it for me."

"This is crazy, YOU are crazy. Kevin, this isn't you right? You wanna make something of your life, you want a massive businesses, a family." Ste shook his head disappointingly, "I don't wanna lose my best friend."

"You sound like my dad or something! I thought you'd think it was cool...its not as if you haven't done it before. I'm just doing it for the money, I'm not gonna be doing it forever."

"I'm just trying to look out for ya! God knows who this man is? I bet you know nothing about him Kevin. How did you even get involved in this shit? I'd stop before its too late." Ste scratched at his head and looked around the canteen to make sure no one was watching them, it would have been clear to anyone that Ste was in a bit of a state if they were. Thankfully nobody was and Ste leaned over the table and said calmly, "I got beat up twice by thugs cause a deal messed up...then I got arrested but got off when they found no clear evidence. I was 15 at the time, thought I was proper hard and would be seen as a man, but I was wrong."

Kevin seemed worried all of a sudden. Ste was right, he was a good lad, he shouldn't have got himself into this, this wasn't him. "He's called Brendan. Brendan Brady." Kevin breathed shakily and looked at his vest friend for support. "He was round at my house a few weeks ago, arguing with my dad. I don't know what about, but this Brendan guy was so angry, he scared the shit of me. My dad told me to go upstairs, but I just couldn't move my legs until this Brendan man spoke to me then, told me to 'move like a good little boy' his accent was different to ours. Irish he is. He looked possessed and it was enough to make me run out the door. Five minutes later he was leaving my house and smoothing down this awful moustache with his fingers." Kevin took a bit of his drink, trying to calm himself down and clear his throat. "He walked up to me and I was so scared Ste, he could tell though and he just laughed like a mentalist in my face, I can still hear it in my ears now. Anyway, he suddenly took a pack of gum out of his trousers and popped some into his mouth and that's when he said he had a job for me. Said it would help my dad, and how I would make the most money I ever will in my life. I wasn't thinking when I said yeah Ste, I was scared about what would happen if I said no."

Ste tried to take it all in. The name Brendan Brady was a popular name around the village, Ste had heard only bad things about him. He'd never seen him or come across him but Ste was now more worried for his friend than before. "You need to stay away from him Kevin, you need to stop dealing for him OK? Have you got his number?" Kevin nodded, "right text him and tell him you're sorry but you can't deal for him no more."

"It won't be that easy, he won't let me quit."

Ste had a feeling that would be the case but there was no other way out. "Just text him Kevin and let him know. Whatever happens, we deal with it together."

Kevin bravely took his phone out of his pocket and began to type out his message with unsteady fingers. Once he'd hit send he gripped his phone tight and prayed for the best.

Ste had text Kevin throughout the rest of the afternoon to see if he'd heard anything from Brendan, he hadn't. Ste hoped that no news was good news.

At the end of the day, Ste packed up his stuff and made to meet Kevin at the gates where they usually met after college when they didn't have a lesson together. When Ste reached the gates he saw Kevin been pinned up against a silver car by a man. Ste instantly knew it was Brendan and his heart dropped.

" 'ere get off him!" Ste screamed and ran across the road to his friend. "Picking on teenagers eh? Go and pick on someone your own size!"

"Shut up Ste!" Kevin urged, trying to get his breath.

Ste got his phone out of his pocket, " I'm ringing the police me,-"

"Ste no!"

Ste's phone was pulled from within his grasp before he could stop this crazed man from doing anything serious. Before Ste could think properly, his phone was being stamped on by a pair of black shoes with so much force that he was surprised the ground didn't have a crack in it.

He looked up astounded at this mans cruelty and spoke before he could think, "you fucking bastard!"

Brendan spoke as if what was happening was normal, "cute. Count yourself lucky you're still standing boy." Brendan suddenly let go of Kevin and smoothed down Kevin's coat and smiled to the boys. "Sorry about the phone." Brendan looked down at it and he looked anything but sorry. "Accidents can't be helped though boys, eh?" He laughed as though he had just told a joke, he turned to Kevin and pointed in his face, "make sure you're at the usual meeting place tonight or more accidents could happen and we don't want that, do we?"

Kevin shook his head as if he had given in again. Ste kind of wished he could do the same but he never was one for biting his tongue, so he spoke up again. "Kevin ain't interested in your dirty deals, alright? So just back off. Go and make someone else's life a misery."

"Ye just don't know when to keep quiet, do you?" Brendan seethed, "keep ye nose out. Kevin and I can handle this, he's a big boy he doesn't need you holding his hand." Brendan turned back to Kevin, "go home and get ready, I'll text you about tonight."

Kevin ran off whilst he had the chance, Ste called after him but Kevin just carried on running.

"Nice talk... Steven."

"Don't call-" Brendan was in his car and driving off before Ste could finish.

Ste felt drained, but he knew he would find the fight in him again that he needed to help his best friend.

He wasn't going to let Brendan Brady win.


	2. Chapter 2

Reviews would be greatly appreciated please? Hope those who read enjoy the 2nd chapter.

-/

That afternoon Ste goes home to get changed into his clothes, grabs a bite to eat and tells his mother he won't be home till late. He's greeted with a blunt OK by his mum and he's out the house again quickly.

Ste has convinced Kevin to let him know where the deal will take place and what time. Kevin's warned him to stay back, doesn't want him to get harmed. Ste agrees, he'll do anything just to make sure Kevin is OK. He needs to talk to Kevin about Brendan, needs to make him see that Brendan won't be able to get away with this.

Its half 9 when the deal takes place, its pitch black and the only light is from the street lights. Ste watches on by a dirty alley, he can faintly make out Kevin and a another lad who doesn't look much older than themselves. He wants this over and done with now.

Ste feels on edge, like he's intruding on something private although this is what he planned. Ste suddenly hears footsteps behind him and before he can turn around to see who it is his mouth is covered by a firm hand and he's being pulled back and being shoved into a car. Ste panics and tries to open the car door but its locked, he bangs on the window though he knows its no good, Kevin is too far away to hear. He looks around the car and the the drivers car door opens.

Ste shuffles back into his seat timidly when he sees who it is.

Its Brendan.

"What the fuck are you playing at?" Ste screams, "you can't do this."

"What you doing here lad? You got a death wish?" Ste can tell that Brendan is very agitated with him.

"I'm er... I. Look right, its none of your business." Ste stutters over his words and he tries to calm himself down.

Brendan looks out of his car window to watch Kevin. "Anyone would think ye were stalking him."

Ste's mouth drops open at the accusation. "No I'm not!" Ste blurts out quickly, angered by this man he's known less than a day. "I'm just looking out for a mate alright? But I'm guessing you wouldn't know that cause I doubt any sane person would wanna be your mate."

Brendan chuckles and then he stops and looks at Ste with a straight face. "Your words hurt boy, got a sharp tongue inside that mouth of yours haven't ye?" Ste looks away when Brendan's gaze on him gets too much. "How did you know where to find him?" Brendan asks tapping his long fingers on the steering wheel.

"Just followed him, didn't I?" Ste lies, protecting not only his friend but himself.

"See, that's stalking," Brendan says with a smirk.

"Well that must make both of us then cause you're here too," Ste folds his arms like he's a small not having a tantrum, he's getting wound up by this man now. "You're about 30 and you're bothering with 17 year old lads, there's names for people like you."

In a flash Brendan's hand comes up to his throat and he pins Ste back into his seat. Brendan peers over him and bares his teeth like a roaring lion, "I'd watch what you're saying, Steven." Ste pulls at Brendan's hand to let go of him, he can hardly breathe and he's full of fear. Brendan let's go of him quickly and pats the side of Ste's face with his hand. He sits back properly in his own seat and straightens out the collar on his shirt and takes a deep breath. He runs his fingers over his moustache and Ste looks on worryingly. "I'm nothing like that, OK?" Brendan seems to be really effected by Ste's comment. "I'm 25 not 30 too, the cheek."

"The moustache must age you then," Ste mumbles, still scared and shocked at what's just happened, he doesn't know what else to say.

When Ste looks back to where Kevin was, he's gone. 'Shit' he utters under his breath. "Can I get out now?" Ste asks, hoping Brendan will have calmed down enough to see that what he is doing is wrong.

"Kevin will be fine Steven."

"Yeah I know that, I just wanna get home." Ste doesn't want to get home at all he needs to find Kevin.

"Don't treat me like I'm stupid Steven. I don't like that."

"So you're gonna keep me here forever are you?" Ste wishes he could stop his mouth from running ahead of him sometimes. Now being one of them.

"Bit dramatic aren't you?" Brendan starts the engine, "I'll take you home."

"You don't even know where I live! Stop the car and let me out Brendan."

"Well tell me and then I will know. Its late and haven't you got college in the morning?"

Ste tuts, "don't act as though you care. You've smashed my phone, strangled me and my best friend in just one day and I don't even know you. So just let me out."

"Meet me tomorrow then."

Ste turns to look at him in shock. "You what? No way. You're... you're just wrong. Kevin hates you, I don't want to betray him."

"Jesus Steven, you're making it sound more than what it is. Let me show ye I'm not as bad as you and ye little buddy think." Brendan looks at him, "show you that Kevin isn't in any danger."

Ste laughs in disbelief. "He is in danger though, ain't it? Since when was selling drugs not dangerous? Specially when the person he deals for strangles him when he tries to quit."

Brendan starts driving and ignores Ste's protests. When they reach a set of traffic lights, Brendan takes out his phone and tells Ste he's texting Kevin to prove he's safe so that Ste doesn't have to worry about him. Seconds later Brendan's phone goes off and Brendan shows Ste the text without saying a word, it reads 'home now, deal was fine.'

Ste eases a bit knowing that Kevin is OK. He still dislikes Brendan though, doesn't understand him one bit. His moods are something Ste has never come across before and that's saying something because his mum's moods can be bad. Ste doesn't say anything and just let's Brendan drive, confused as to why he's given up fighting, its not in his nature to give in when he's serious about something.

Ste knows Brendan can't be taking him home because he still hasn't told him where he lives. He watches Brendan carefully, he looks calm and relaxed for the first time today. Ste decides to speak up, "where are we going?"

"Thought we'd have a night cap."

"Where?" Ste feels stupid, why would Brendan want a night cap with him? Its not as if they get along or like each other.

"Mine."

"Yours? What about your... girlfriend? Wife?"

Brendan just laughs, "you don't have to worry about that." Brendan takes out his phone again, "text your parents, let them know you're OK and you won't be home tonight." When Ste doesn't take the phone from him he drops it onto his lap, "go on."

"I can't stay at yours the night Brendan. I need to get home for college and that. And I only live with me mum...she will probably be asleep now, no point waking her." Ste hands Brendan's phone back to him.

"I'll drop you off to college tomorrow," Brendan puts his phone away. "Don't worry about a thing. I might be a bit of a dick Steven but I'm not a murderer." Brendan pulls up outside a big house, Ste is already amazed before he's even stepped out of the car and into the house. "Like I said, just get to know me."

"Why do you care if I like you or not?" Ste pauses for a minute and thinks, "here, you'd best not be planning on trying to make you one of your little dealers cause its not gonna happen. They might be scared of you but I ain't like them Brendan."

Brendan raises his eyebrow, "you are scared of me ye just don't want to admit it. I don't have a motive Steven, I just want you to see I'm not as bad as you and Kevin think I am"

"Well maybe if you didn't do the things you did people would be able to see that."

Brendan turns off the engine and opens the door and walks around to the passengers side and opens the door, "are ye coming or what?"

Brendan waits for Ste to make his own mind up. Ste doesn't feel pressured in any way and he does want to get to know Brendan, he finds him fascinating. He takes a deep breath and steps out of the car.

Brendan locks the car and walks towards his house, seeming to let Ste come in his own time.

Ste feels bad for not thinking about Kevin, he told his best friend to stay away from Brendan and here he is going into his home.

He takes a steady breath and let's his legs carry him into Brendan's house.


	3. Chapter 3

Thanks for the reviews, please keep them coming. Chapters will be longer when I have a laptop, I hope for now the short chapters are OK and that there isn't many mistakes. Hope you like the 3rd installment.

-/

Brendan's house was like a show home. Ste was worried to move in case he broke something. He looked around in amazement, the colours were very basic cream and white but it was lovely; the best place Ste had ever seen. He took his trainers off by the door and hooked his feet didn't smell. Brendan just smiled at him, it made it him look youthful and Ste couldn't help but smile back. He didn't often feel shy, he would be confident and put on a front if needs be but right now Ste felt very small and shy in this big, strange place he didn't know.

"You've got a lovely place," Ste said with a smile and looked around some more, "are you sure you live here?"

Brendan tilted his head to the side, "what's that supposed to mean?" He walked off into the living room and Ste followed, Brendan told him to take a seat and he did. The sofa was leather, it felt cool on Ste's hands. He would love to live in a place like this.

"Its just so posh...and it's just not what I was expecting I suppose."

"Its far from posh Steven, I just like to live in a house I'm proud to own." He hands Ste a drink and he's expecting it to be alcohol, he feels slightly let down when he takes a sip and its only coke. Brendan sits by him with a whiskey.

"Cool... thanks for the drink. I can handle booze you know I'm 17 not 7."

Brendan laughs, "I'm sure you can, but I'd rather not have you still going into college drunk tomorrow."

"I wouldn't! I can drink all my mates under the table when we get together, me."

"Talking of mates, Kevin is fine Steven. I don't like being let down and today I thought that's what was happening." Brendan finishes off his drink and tops it up, "he's a good lad."

"Kevin told me something earlier about you and his dad...are you using Kevin to get at his dad, or something?"

Brendan swirls his drink in his glass, "ah Walker." Brendan looks at Ste with warning in his eyes, "Walker isn't the guy he makes himself out to be Steven. No one knows him like I do."

Ste shakes his head confused," how do you mean? He seems a good person to me. Always looks after Kevin."

"Every parent looks after their child boy, it doesn't make them a good person though."

Ste knew Brendan had a point. His own mother had always looked after him when he was younger but she wasn't always a nice person. She would drink every single day without fail, she had given up on everything when Ste's father had left them. Ste was lonely before he met Kevin, he was going off the rails himself but with the right support he started making something of himself and still to this day Ste wished his mother could do the same.

"So what's Walker done that's so bad?"

"Ye wouldn't understand, you're just a kid "

Ste was offended, he might only be a teenager but he wasn't stupid. "I'm probably more grown up than the people you know Brendan and I'm not a kid."

Brendan shook his head, "it doesn't matter. I can handle Walker." Brendan tops up his glass once more, "anyway, I don't want to talk about him."

Ste would let it go for now, but if he was to get to know Brendan he would find out was going on between the men.

"So has young Steven got a girlfriend, or what?"

Ste was thrown aback slightly at the question, why is that important? "Nah, I'm single me." Ste laughs, "get bad enough headaches without a girlfriend."

Brendan smirks, "so you're straight then?"

Ste can feel feel his face reddening at the question, "yeah, course I am!" Ste gulped down his drink suddenly nervous again like he was when he got out of the car, "are you?"

Brendan just continues to smirk, Ste feels as though he's being laughed at and he looks away feeling somewhat hurt and confused. "A gentlemen never tells." Brendan stands up and walks to the living room door, "I'll show you where you're sleeping."

Ste reluctantly gets up, he feels silly for blushing in front of Brendan. Everything about this is wrong, he shouldn't be bothered about Brendan just like he said himself, who cares if he's liked or not, everyone knows he's bad news and he has his loyalty to Kevin. But its too late to walk out now, he can stay here for the night and never have to see Brendan again.

He follows him along the landing to the end door. The room is black and red and its just as spot less as all the rest of the house. Ste is in awe of yet another room and he just stares at it. "Is this OK for ye?" Brendan asks standing back so Ste can get into the room.

"Yeah its great ta." Ste mentally kicks himself to walk into the room and he sits on the bed, its so much better than his bed at home already and he knows he's going to sleep well.

Brendan coughs awkwardly as if he needs to courage to speak up. He pauses for a moment before taking a deep breath "its not often I say sorry but I am for today."

Ste smiles and just shrugs, he's already forgotten about it. "Its alright, we all have our days. I know you think I'm just a kid and that but you don't have to always put on front, especially in front of me... and Kevin. And you've proved tonight that you aren't all that bad."

"Told you so," they smile at each other. "I'll let you get some sleep. Goodnight Steven."

"Night," Brendan closes the door and Ste takes off his clothes and climbs into the silk bed sheets, he relaxes and it feels strange how he feels so at home here but he knows that he can't like Brendan as a person or as a friend. If Brendan didn't have such a bad name and he didn't have his best friend doing what he is then maybe it would be different. Ste feels gutted that things aren't different. He tells himself he needs to think what's right for Kevin and going behind his back like this isn't right. However hard it may be, he will still not let the cunning Brendan Brady win.

With thoughts running around his head, Ste finally closes his eyes and sleeps.

-/

Ste wakes to the sound of the fire alarm going off. He groans when he remembers where he is. He needs to get out of here. He gets dressed quickly and makes the bed as best he can in his tired state.

He leaves the room and names his way down the stairs. He quietly puts his trainers on and his hand his on the door handle when he hears the thick Irish accent behind him, it sends a shiver down his spine.

"Going so soon?" Brendan has a towel draped over his shoulder and he looks flustered. "I made ye a bite to eat, ye can't work on an empty stomach."

"I gotta get to college, sorry. Thanks for letting me stay though."

"I told you I'd take you. Anyone would think you were trying to get away from me Steven. Ye haven't even tasted my amazing sausages yet."

Ste feels his face burning up once more. "No course not. Just don't wanna be late, Kevin will be waiting for me and-"

"Just come and have something to eat. Please." Brendan says firmly.

Ste fails to refuse this time and he decides to eat with Brendan out if kindness. The food is burnt to a crisp and Ste wishes he had cooked instead. Ste watches Brendan, he eats like an animal; fast and furious.

Brendan washes up and he gets dressed soon after. Brendan drives Ste to college as planned, parking a street a way so Kevin, or no one else for that matter, can see them together.

"Tell Kevin I said hi," Brendan laughs when he sees Ste's face. "I'm only joking."

"Thanks for the lift. I don't want you bothering Kevin today OK? Please lay off him a bit."

"Depends."

"On what?"

"Meet me after college. I'll replace ye phone for you...we can get to know each other some more."

Ste shakes his head, " I can't. Last night was nice alright but I can't."

"You said I wasn't that bad."

Ste is torn. He doesn't want to betray his best friend but he also doesn't want to not see Brendan again however wrong it may be. There is something at the back of his mind telling him it will be worth it. "I'll think about it."

"What time do you finish? I can meet you here?"

"Half 2. We can't make a habit out if this. I feel proper bad." Ste opens the door, "I swear if this is some sort of game I'll wish I never met you OK?"

"Its no game Steven, just two people getting to know one another. Ye can have more than just Kevin in your life."

"I know that, but I trust him and I know he isn't dangerous. You on the other hand-"

"Bye Steven."

Ste tuts at the interruption but he gets out of the car. He crosses the road and he pretends he doesn't have a warm feeling in his belly when he turns back around and sees Brendan smiling at him.


	4. Chapter 4

Your kind reviews make me write much faster, thank you so much. Please keep them coming (I promise I'll not ask for reviews every single chapter) hope you enjoy some more.

-/

Ste finds it hard to concentrate in his lessons. He can't help himself from smiling, he can't help himself from wanting to see Brendan again. He can't remember ever feeling like this and he doesn't want it to end.

He doesn't have the heart to confess to Kevin, he can't do it to him and selfishly he doesn't want to because then everything will be over before its even begun.

Ste asks Kevin if Brendan has been in touch with him and he's pleased when Kevin says no, Ste can tell he's relieved that he's giving him a breather. He also can't help but think or at least hope that Brendan hasn't bothered with him for the sake of Ste. It makes him realise that maybe this isn't a game for Brendan and that he really just wants to get to know him.

At the end of the day Ste leaves college and tries to avoid Kevin so he doesn't have to face him or have to lie to his face about what he has planned for the night. He walks quickly out of the gates trying to stay next to a group of hair and beauty students. He walks to the end of the street and his heart starts to beat stupidly fast when he sees Brendan's car. He crosses the road and looks around to make sure nobody can see him or to ask him who's car he's getting into. Ste climbs into the car when he's satisfied no one can see him.

"Ye like a fucking meerkat Steven. Are you always so alert ?"

Ste sighs, "sorry. I just don't want it getting back to Kevin that someone saw me with you."

"You make me sound like your dirty little secret," Brendan smiles to let Ste know he's only messing but Ste knows his words ring true. "Anyone would think we were having a sordid relationship."

Ste laughs nervously. Why does that sound good? He's not even gay for god sake. "Well I'm straight me, so-"

"I know Steven. It was a joke. Ha ha."

"I'm not homophobic or nothing, there's a gay lad on my course, Doug he's called, he's dead nice."

"Glad to hear it." Brendan starts the car and he asks Ste if he needs to go home for anything. Ste says he needs a shower and a fresh pair of clothes. Ste tells Brendan his estate and he waits for him.

After an hour of waiting Brendan becomes tired of waiting. He decides to go to Ste's to find out what's holding him up. He doesn't care who sees. Brendan is surprised at the house, it isn't very clean and the stench of cheap lager lingers in the air. He suddenly feels very protective over the boy, senses something isn't right here.

He calls out Ste's name but there's no reply. He hears a loud bang from upstairs and he shoots up the stairs to the noise. There's a blonde woman stood over Ste, he's on the floor with blood running down his lip. Brendan leans at his side and sits him up.

"Are ye OK?" Ste just nods embarrassed, hurt and ashamed. "What the fuck happened?"

"Who are you?" The woman shouts clearly drunk.

"He's no one mam." Ste looks at Brendan, his eyes glimmering with unshed tears. "Just wait for me outside. Please."

Brendan nods, lost for words and reluctant to leave. Brendan walks down the stairs slowly, trying to get his mind to slow down and process what he saw. Why would his own mother hurt him?

A while after, Ste comes out of his house with a bag. He runs to Brendan's car like its his safety net.

"What happened Steven?"

"Forget you saw anything please. You shouldn't have cone in." Ste's voice is shaky and breathes deeply, he does not want to cry in front of Brendan he's already ashamed.

"Well I'm glad I did, fuck knows what would have happened if I hadn't." Brendan turns on his seat so he can face Ste better. "Ye can talk to me, you know."

"I don't even know you, I'm not gonna start telling you my life story." Ste can't help himself, the tears fall from his eyes and he wipes them away violently, angry with himself. "Bet you think I'm a right idiot."

Brendan shakes his head. "Far from it." He leans forward and offers his arms out for an hug. Ste just looks at him stupidly and Brendan smiles warmly, "don't leave me hanging."

"Why would you wanna give me a hug?" Ste asks with a sniff.

"Maybe because you're in need of one?"

Ste tries to hide his smile and moves into Brendan's arm. All of Brendan's body is strong and feels like nothing but safety. Ste feels even smaller in his arms, but he also feels strong again. He rest his head onto his shoulder and holds on tight. Brendan holds on even tighter and whispers into his ear that everything will be OK.

-/

When they get to Brendan's, Ste gets a shower and puts on fresh clothes. His lip has swollen ever so slightly from the contact of fallen against his mothers bed side cabinet. He won't tell Brendan though, even if he does feel more confident Brendan doesn't think he's a wimp. He can cope with pain, when he's with Brendan the pain subsides, he let's him forget everything else going off in his life.

When he gets back downstairs Brendan has a cup of tea waiting for him, "I didn't know if you took sugar or not but if you have any taste you'll take 2 sugars like me."

Ste chuckles and sits on a kitchen stool, "thanks. And yeah, it looks like I've got good taste then." Ste sips carefully at the hot drink, it warms him up and he holds the mug in his hands. "Thanks for today."

"Its nothing. If I knew you had to put up with that I'd never have let you go back." Brendan takes a seat next to Ste, he looks annoyed but he masks it well.

"I spend most my time at Kevin's. My mums not all that bad, she just gets upset sometimes and I'm the one who gets it. But I don't mind me, I'm all she's got."

"If you're all she's got she should do everything she can to keep you in her life. I don't want to judge Steven, but you shouldn't have to put up with what I saw."

Ste scratches at his head, he has to listen to Kevin tell him the same thing all the time but he only has one mother and he will always try and excuse her behaviour. However poorly she treats him he still loves her. "Its the drink," Ste whispers, "she was angry that I wasn't there to go to the shop for her this morning like I normally am and she had to go herself. She's a different person when she isn't drinking. I wish I was enough to make her stop but she...she just can't." Ste can feel himself getting upset again and he won't let himself cry for the second time. He drinks his drink and looks at Brendan for a bit of courage.

Brendan looks at him and it looks something like proudness. There's no judging or sympathy and Ste's glad. "You are a strong lad Steven, you should give yourself more credit."

Ste blushes, he's not sure he'll ever get used to getting compliments by Brendan. "Shut up."

"Its true." Brendan gets up and puts his empty cup in the sink. "Sure you don't want to get that cut checked at?"

"Nah, its fine. Be a fuss over nothing."

Brendan just nods in agreement. He opens a cupboard behind him and brings out a box wrapped in paper. "I got ye this today."

Ste opens it and its a new mobile phone. Ste shakes his head, "I can't accept this, its too much."

"Nonsense. I told ye I would replace the other one. Its only right I got you a new one."

Ste smiles like a kid at Christmas and sets the phone up, "thank you. You really are a proper softy."

"Shh, don't let anyone else know."

-/

That night Brendan has 3 men come to his house. Ste knows straight away that they're drug dealers. Ste is reminded why he should stay away from him. He's told to stay in the living room whilst he deals with them. They've made so much progress in getting to know each other and get on that Ste almost wishes he hadn't even bothered. He feels disheartened in a way. He's seen another side to Brendan that he's pretty sure no one else has. In a way it makes him feel special, like he has something about him that makes Brendan want to just stop all this and live an easy life, but then that can't be true cause they've only just met and Ste is only a teenage lad who's trying to protect his best friend.

When Brendan returns he knows Ste isn't happy with him. "Don't look at me like that Steven."

"Why do it Brendan? What's so wrong in just leading a normal life?" Ste feels like a nagging wife but he doesn't stop, "I know I haven't known you long but I feel as though that's the real you. All that hard man shit is just a front. You can't be happy with things like this."

Brendan pours himself a whiskey. "Are you really judging me, eh? After what I've seen today? You're right you haven't known me long, you really do need to keep that mouth of yours quiet sometimes."

"Only cause you don't like hearing the truth. Well I'm sorry Brendan but it needs to be said."

Brendan laughs, it sounds cold to Ste's hears. "I can't believe I've got a 17 year old lecturing me on my life. You're something else."

"I'm just trying to be there for you...like you've been for me."

"You sound like my fucking partner," Brendan gulps down the rest of his drink, "getting on my case constantly."

Ste stands up and retrieves his phone from his pocket and throws it at Brendan. "You're a prick." Ste walks out of the door and gets his coat.

"Where ye going?" Brendan's hot on his heels.

"Anywhere that isn't here. I don't get you at all." Brendan pulls at Ste's wrist and swings him around to face him. "Ger off me!"

"Don't go. Please. I'm sorry OK? Ye are right, I don't like the truth. You do get me... you get me better than anyone I know." Brendan let's go of Ste, "I don't want you going back home. Stay here, yeah? For as long as you want."

"I can't. I'll stay at Kevin's," Ste refuses.

"I do drugs cause I thought its what my dad would have wanted, OK? He did nothing but put me down has a child, he made me feel so worthless Steven. He had this power over me, he actually scared me... I hated him for it. He made me the man I am today, OK? Scared to trust, to want, to... love." Brendan speaks so fast that Ste struggles to keep up. He let it all come out in one big hurry, scared Ste would walk away from him, walk away even after he'd seen the real him. "He told me that's how to be a real man, show people you can't be messed with. He's always in the back of my head even though he's not around, I can't escape him Steven."

Ste feels the urge to hold him, so that's what he does. He means up and wraps his arms around Brendan's neck, "he can't get you now Brendan." Ste squeezes tighter and Brendan's arms soon wrap around him. This time Ste feels like he's the strong one, roles being reversed.

"I'm sorry for talking to you like that," Brendan runs his thumb over the small of Ste's back, thankful for the support.

Ste just laughs, "for someone who doesn't say sorry you're saying it a lot."

They break from the hug a while after and Ste tells himself that it's nothing but friendship. Brendan has told him all that because he's finally found someone he can trust. But he has that feeling in his tummy again, it makes him ache when he looks Brendan in the eye.

"So you'll stay?" Brendan asks hopeful. Ste can only nod and smile. "Great. I can order us a takeaway? Your choice."

"Sure," Ste says and Brendan heads off into the kitchen. Ste stands rooted to the spot, his eyes fall to Brendan's arse and down his legs. His mind goes overdrive, images flash in his minds eye. Images of Brendan and himself together, naked, with Ste's legs wrapped around Brendan's hips.

Ste has to mentally shake himself. He's more confused than ever.


	5. Chapter 5

They finally settle for a pizza. Ste thanks Brendan and that's all that's said between them. Ste's head feels fuzzy with thoughts and images he can't understand. He shouldn't see Brendan in that way and he knows if he told anyone he would probably be laughed at and he would lose the only people in his life he has. He can't bare to lose Kevin - or his mum - he might be a fighter but he knows he wouldn't be able to fight this world on his own.

And he definitely can't share his thoughts with Brendan. Ste has made it clear to him that he is straight, to then tell him he's imagining him in a cliché with him is too much. He doesn't want the man he's grown close to the past few days to hate him. He can't lose him. He tells himself it was a one off. He shrugs it off and comes to the conclusion that he probably felt like that because Brendan had trusted him and he'd shared something with him, something that clearly troubled him still. It made him feel the closest he's ever felt to someone. For that moment in time Ste was let into Brendan's mad and secretive world and it made him want more.

Ste coughed awkwardly and excused himself from the table and headed to bed. Only speaking to thank Brendan again and to say night.

-/

The next day Ste wakes up and makes his way down stairs. He had a restless night and has a banging headache. When he sees a bald man leaving Brendan's house he stops in his tracks. He steps back slightly so he isn't seen. He hears Brendan say he will give him the time and place later on that day. If it wasn't for the fact he still feels confused about last night he would have shot down the stairs to bite Brendan's head off but he doesn't have the right nor the energy to do it so he waits until the door is closed behind the man before continuing down the stairs.

Brendan sees him and nods at him. Ste knows Brendan's been acting cold with him since he had shared details about his dad, but it hurts a bit that he's still off with him the next day.

"Another dealer, is it?" Ste asks to break the cold silence.

"Yeah. Ye gonna tell me off again like a nagging wife or-"

"I was just fucking asking," Ste snaps annoyed. "Its none of my business, is it?"

"I'd watch your tone boy," Brendan glares at him and Ste can't pretend that he isn't slightly scared of the man but he tries to hide it well.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to snap. Its just you've been off with me since last night and now you're being the same today. If you're scared I'll tell anyone about your dad, I won't. I wouldn't break your trust like that cause I know it was proper hard to tell me," Ste let's all come out in a big rush and he breathes deeply once its all out in the open.

Brendan shakes his head, "I thought you were the one with the problem. You didn't speak after I'd told you what I did and you went to bed so quickly I didn't get the chance to ask ye to stay."

Oh. Ste could kick himself for his on stupidity. He was so quick to blame Brendan when it was his own odd behaviour that had caused the frosty meeting between them. "Sorry, I was just well tired last night me and-"

"Forget it Steven. Ye want a cuppa?"

"Please."

Ste offers to make Brendan his breakfast and Brendan gladly allows it, his belly rumbling loudly. Ste makes him a cooked breakfast. Brendan comments that he's a messy cook and Ste just laughs and hits back that at least he can cook unlike him. Brendan smiles back warmly, "point."

Brendan makes himself busy and sticks the kettle on to make the drinks. Ste can't help but think how this is all so domesticated. Something he would do with his partner... his future wife.

They sit for food and the mood now is much more lighter, its back to how it was before and it feels good to the both of them.

"Ye got college today?" Brendan asks between mouthfuls.

Ste shakes his head, "only go in 3 days a week. Think I'm gonna go home today to see how things are."

Brendan wipes his mouth, tries to not look too concerned when he says, "sure that's a good idea? I'm sure your ma be fine Steven."

"Just need to give her me new number and that so she knows she can get in touch with me." Ste looks at Brendan who looks like he wants to say more against the idea, "don't worry alright? I'll be in and out."

"Let me come with you then."

Ste chuckles, "now who sounds like the nagging wife?"

Brendan takes a gulp of his tea and wipes his mouth and moustache once more, "don't make jokes Steven. I don't want you near her."

Ste gets annoyed and slams his fork and knife down on to his still half full plate, "yeah cause staying here with a drug dealer is so much better, isn't it?" Don't make out you're better than her cause you ain't."

Brendan just watches him and speaks slowly, "I'd never hit you Steven. So yeah, living here is better for you."

Ste is silent for a moment, unsure what to say. He's so used to standing by his mother that it just cones natural to him to defined her. Brendan's words go around in his head though and he knows he has a point. All he comes back with is, "I've seen you be violent loads Brendan. You're hardly a saint."

"Never said I was. I hurt the people who thinks its OK to mess me around and walk all over me. I don't hit my family because they couldn't get me a bottle of vodka from the corner shop."

Ste stands up and chucks his plate into the seat, "you don't know anything."

"I'm sorry," Brendan says quickly, knowing his words were a bit harsh. "I just don't think its safe there."

Ste doesn't want to hear it though, he's sick of him judging his mother. "I don't care what you think. I'm going home and I'll be staying there. Thanks for letting me stay but it was a stupid idea in the first place."

Ste runs back upstairs and doesn't look back when his name is called several times.

-/

Ste gets showered and changed and packs his belongings. He heads back downstairs and Brendan is stood in front of the door blocking his exit.

"Can I get out please?"

"I don't usually spend this much time on someone," Brendan laughs, more to himself as if he's letting his thoughts in his head roam free. "I don't usually let people in, let them know about my life and the man its made me." Brendan looks at Ste and the look makes him wonder how Brendan's brain actually works, "but with you its all different. I don't need to put on a front with ye, I feel as though I can talk about anything, and I hate talking. Everything just seems better with you around."

Ste knows he's blushing and he hangs his head low with embarrassment. "For someone who hates talking you always know what to say."

Brendan smiles, "like I said you make it all different." Brendan walks up to Ste and takes his bag from his shoulder and lifts his face up by his chin with his thumb. "Stay," Brendan whispers, Ste has to fight against his eyes closing from the contact of the older man being near him and from his warm breath washing over his face.

"OK," Ste nods weakly.

Brendan gives his chin a slight squeeze before letting go and smiles, baring his teeth and it makes him looks so young. Ste wants to see it again and again. He knows he wouldn't ever get bored of seeing it.

-/

Ste allows Brendan to take him to his mum's. Brendan waits in the car and tells Ste to text him asap if he needs him. Ste goes in to find his mother watching day time TV with a cigarette in her hand and a can beside her.

"Where you been, eh?" Ste doesn't take her eyes off the TV when she asks.

"Staying with a friend. I've come to give you my new number so you can ring me or summat if you need me."

Ste placed a piece of paper down on the table with his number on it.

"How have you got a new phone? Can treat yourself but can't brother with your own mother."

Ste refuses to feel guilty and he dishes out a 10 pound note, he knows he shouldn't cause it will go on booze but if it keeps his mum off his back he will do it.

Pauline grabs at the money quickly and shoves it in her jeans without looking at Ste, "thanks." She says with a tight smile.

"Ring me if you need me for anything alright?" He doesn't know why he's asking, Ste already knows she won't bother just like she hasn't for the past few days.

She just nods at him and he leaves. Brendan asks if everything is OK when he's back in the car and Ste just smiles and nods. Brendan seems to accept it and doesn't mention it again.

-/

That night they watch episodes of The Simpsons and Family Guy. Ste laughs through everything and he blushes when Brendan looks at him with a raised eyebrow. He's been told before he laughs like a donkey and he hopes that Brendan doesn't think the same.

Brendan drinks endless shots of whiskey and Ste drinks a few bottles of lager, he feels giddy that Brendan has finally allowed him to have an alcoholic drink. The drink makes Ste loose and relaxed. He moves closer to Brendan and drapes his legs over his lap without speaking. Brendan doesn't move away so Ste pulls his arm up and snuggles into Brendan's body.

He hides his face in Brendan's neck and closes his eyes when he feels Brendan's fingers tickle his back.

"Make ye self comfy Steven. I can't say I've had many 'straight' lads snuggle up to me like this."

"I am straight!"

"Of course ye are," Brendan smiles cheekily and its as if Ste can see him cause he slaps his arm. "Oi!"

"You aren't straight though," Ste claims leaning back again to show his face. He bites his lip, waiting for Brendan to prove him wrong.

Brendan watches him, his eyes watching his lips. "That's a bold statement Steven."

"I'm not wrong though," Ste climbs up and straddles Brendan's legs. "Tell me I'm wrong" Ste whispers, letting his face fall closer to Brendan's. God, what is he playing at? His forehead touches with Brendan's and he raises his hand to touch his neck.

"What are ye doing?"

"What does it look like?" Ste rolls his arse against Brendan. He's hard. Ste grins and does it again.

"You're drunk Steven," Brendan pushes against Ste's chest to get him off him. Ste stumbles slightly in a daze when he's back on his feet.

"What's wrong?" Ste asks, sounding a bit like a child.

"I'm not gonna do anything with you when you're drunk," Brendan looks at Ste and hates seeing him look like a puppy that's just being kicked. "I just don't want you to regret anything. I won't take advantage."

Ste scoffs, "I came on to you!" Ste moves forward again but Brendan stops him at arms length. "So you are gay then?" Ste asks, confused.

Brendan nods. Ste feels like he's been kicked in the stomach, been made a fool of. Tears drop from his eyes before he can stop them and he wipes at them angrily.

Brendan gets to his feet and tries to pull Ste to him so he can comfort him. Ste steps back though, shakes his head. "I'm sorry. I had it in my head that you wanted me... wanted me like I wanted you, but I guess it was all in my head. Last night I... oh it doesn't matter. It won't happen again right."

Ste runs out of the living room, then the front door. Brendan goes after him but he's too fast. Brendan feels numb, Ste has completely got this wrong.

Brendan wants him too.


End file.
